October 2001/Oriental Gentleman
Elderly Asian Man Held
After Failing to Satisfy Immigration
Liberty Tree News Bureau
October 18th 2001 4:30pm EST
LIBERTY CITY (RS) - Amy Salzburg
The elderly Asian man who had caused a lot of confusion at our over-worked immigration service is due to be deported later this month after failing to satisfy the INS that he had a valid reason for entering the country.
As we reported, he turned up on a private plane from an unknown departure point somewhere in east Asia, without any of the necessary documentation, having neither a passport, nor a visa, nor a platinum credit card to bribe his way through customs. He has refused to claim asylum, or ask for refugee status, and speaks only three words of English, repeatedly to all questions -- "Love and Death." The man is not believed to be a Woody Allen fan, and the problem has baffled some of our finest government minds. As a result, the man is being transported to a high security penitentiary before being deported later in the month.
"This guy is clearly bad news" said Ray Mathers, Head of Immigration at Francis International. "He couldn't even show us where he was from on a map. What kind of idiot can't find where they live on a map? We don't need his kind in our country, thank you very much."